Thursday, January 27, 2011

Heartbeat ~~ANGEL BABY~~

Sadness shreds you gradually, like a million paper cuts. It is not quick and leaves behind invisible blood upon the soul. The scars are deep crevasses in my bones and yet hope still remains for me. You have been gone for three weeks now and every day, the breath comes harder to my lungs. It's the sadness you see that makes it almost unbearable for me. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. The single thread I have left to hold onto is what you left behind in my belly. The small bulge is my line in the sand at the borders of sanity.

I'm six months along according to the ultra sound, and yet the possibility of you only existed for a few weeks. You're father was an angel, the love of my life, and now he's gone. Our love affair lasted a few months and still, I knew him my entire life. Of that I'm sure though don't ask me how. I miss him so and wonder if I will see him when I look into your eyes.

The sun in the sky was like a dragon's eye looking down upon my face. Sweet warm permeating rays cover the world in a gentle glow. I closed my eyes to take in the sun, for today was like no other. I could feel one of them coming down from the heavens. It was the same feeling I had when I met Samuel, your father. I watched quiet as the rays carried her down from the ethereal to the solid. I can almost feel the sharp knife being sunk deep into the wounds of betrayal I already had.

Her face and hands were made of white glittering stone. A fiery blue glow erupted from her hair and I stood speechless as she spoke.  With one wing dipped in blood and the other in Divine intervention, angels are as beautiful as they are horrible in their fates. All orders from the higher power must be followed without question. Is there any other meaning for perfect love? I had that...once, perfect love I mean. Her voice boomed, sending shivers through my soul.

"She is very special. Just know you are protected," she said. "We will come to get her when the time is right."

I held my belly, protective and maternal in my manners. I didn't know it was a girl,  I just knew my baby needed me. Already her father was taken from me in such an abrupt way I almost couldn't bare to think about him.

"You can't have her, she's mine and Samuel's. You've stolen my heart, you can't steal my hope," I yelled at her.

"You have no choice. This is preordained. This child is going to fight for life itself. It is her destiny," she said..

"What makes you think you're better than I am? What rights do you have?" my voice, barely a whisper.

I knelt down, knees on the ground and tears in my eyes.Grains of dirt punctured my skin , letting my blood soak into the soil. What power did I have against such great odds? Sadness filled in all the voids in my heart. She faded away into the rays she rode down from the heavens. Curse the sun for allowing her to come.

You gave me a little kick letting me know you were still inside me. "Shh, it will be ok," I said.

I rubbed my belly to soothe you. Nothing worked though. The pain shot through my back and down my legs. It pulsated up to my hips. "Oh my god, I need to get to a hospital," I cried.

I jumped in a cab and gave the driver the address. Confusion set in. I've only been pregnant a few weeks and here I was in labor. Deep grey and black clouds moved in on the peaceful blue sky cutting off the transportation rays the angels used. (TO BE CONT'D)

2 comments:

C. D. Bennett said...

I posted on the other part already, but this is great stuff.

Carole Gill said...

Wow Joann, that is really good. I'm loving it.

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